A preggers' thoughts, moods, pains, and joys

Dear Baby P,

You know, it is common for pregnant women to have various thoughts, feelings and moods that change very often for no reason. I had experienced sudden feelings of being scared, angry and easily amused. But I don’t remember being depressed. I admit being moody towards your very patient and understanding Papa, but I was often very cheerful and outgoing with everybody else. The very opposite of those positive moods that I had most was fear and being paranoid about what could happen to you if I encounter even the smallest unfortunate events.

The fears I had were about many different things. I feared about what could go wrong with your fetal development if I could not avoid breathing in smoke in polluted areas, if I happened to eat prohibited or contaminated foods that I wasn’t aware of, if I accidentally bumped my belly into anything, if I forgot to distance myself from the microwave oven, if a fast-moving vehicle I am in suddenly stopped and caused high-impact inertia, if I had cough and colds which happened often, if I got exposed to sick people in the train, if the sound outside was too loud for anyone to bear, if I suddenly did not feel any usual pregnancy symptoms, and many other unpleasant things. In times like these, I could not wait for my monthly check-up with our doctor, just for me to hear your heart beating. While waiting for that time to come, I would search the internet for answers to my questions of my fears just to be relieved and to know what to do. I only kept these fears to myself, and I was not really paralyzed by them. I can assure you that the happy moments in my pregnancy greatly outnumber them.

There was only one fear that I shared with your Papa. I will not deny that I did get scared of the unbearable pain of giving birth. But our doctor, your Mommy and your Papa gave me the support and encouragement I needed. Doc Meneses ensured that I would be given proper medical attention, now that the medical field has become more advanced. Your Mommy told me that she had been there and convinced me that I too would be able to handle it, and your Papa reminded me of how everyone in their family gave only natural births at home (your Mama Myr, your Mama Yin, your Tita Vicky).  I will tell you in another post about how I got enlightened and how I dealt with the fears of childbirth.

My first trimester went by quickly, and I finally said goodbye to my nauseous morning sickness. I was very glad to learn from pregnancy websites that the end of this trimester would significantly reduce the risk for miscarriage. I thanked God because I never had complications which required medication. The worst pain that made me cry out loud was the common leg cramps. I was willing to bear the difficulty of having to hold my bladder in long public toilet queues, and thanked God that I never had any pregnancy-related abdominal pain and bleeding. Even when I had colds and sore throat which happened many times in my pregnancy with you, I would just take two vitamin C capsules a day, and I would feel relief after at most two days.

I eventually learned to deal with my fears by fighting them with happy thoughts of you as a happy toddler running around the house, and of course by taking care of myself more. I made sure never to skip my milk and vitamins. And I had faith in God that He gave me you without any fault. If I never had any complication in my pregnancy, then it’s more likely that you would be just as fine. I decided to throw all those fears away, and savor the countless joys of having you in my womb.

Your Papa was the one who made me happy all the time. He would try to portray you as a fetus in different situations. I was often hesitant to get out of bed and he would act like a fetus doing morning stretches to make me laugh and feel finally energized. We confess that we even make up dialogues from you as a fetus, telling me and your Papa to rise and shine because you might miss the school bus! I cannot tell you every situation wherein we portrayed you because we did it all the time. It was like you were participating with me and your Papa in our conversations, and you were doing the same activity we were having (like taking a shower) or watching (like boxing) while inside my womb. We would even go far by imagining that you were aware of and whining about us portraying you again! These were the best moments of my pregnancy. I am sure that this was your Papa’s favorite pastime while desperately waiting for you to come out.

Your Papa and I really can’t wait to meet you. For now, we are taking each chance to make the most out of our pregnancy journey so we can welcome you with all preparedness. We love you, Baby P!